Real life 2.0

Actress Zhang Ziyi (Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Rush Hour 2) might have an opinion on our topic today. Apparently she was engaged to Vivo Nevo, a wealthy venture capitalist who dabbled with online romance. Harmless enough enough way to pass the time, eh? I mean–she’s Zhang Ziyi!

What did she have to fear from nameless, faceless, socially-inhibited women that lurked in internet obscurity?

Quite a bit apparently. On May 10 the pair quietly called off their engagement. Rumors cite that Mr. Nevo fell in love with a woman he met in a virtual world.

So today’s debate concerns online dating. Is it wrong to pursue an online romance when you are in a committed relationship in Real Life? Are you obligated to reveal your Real Life commitment to your online partner? If you’re single in Real Life, is it wrong to get involved with someone that isn’t?

Yes. Yes. No. Simple answers but I’m sure Josue won’t let me off the hook so easy. *laughs*

Is it wrong to pursue online romance when you are committed to another in Real Life? All you married/engaged/partnered typists can send me hate mail, but yes–it’s wrong.

Oh, I’ve heard all the arguments: “My wife and I no longer connect and I need love in my life”; “My husband is an ass–I hate him, but I can’t leave him for financial reasons”; “My marriage isn’t exciting anymore”; “It’s not like I’m married to her–we’re only living together!”; and my personal favorite, “I believe we can love two people at the same time”.

I love to turn these around and ask the speaker, “How would you feel if your Real Life partner did this?” A very few are comfortable with THAT idea. Of course if their real life partner did it, that would be cheating! Ironically enough, a gentleman I know who claimed it would not bother him if his real life wife had an online partner got his eyes opened. He IM’d me in a rage, saying that he had “caught the bitch” and was filing for a divorce. I quietly reminded him of his statement, and that HE had been involved in numerous Second Life relationships. I asked him why his wife’s behavior was any different than his. He ended our friendship due to my lack of compassion, eventually convinced his Real Life wife to leave her online lover, and–just married yet another woman in Second Life last week.

But let’s get back ‘normal’ people…

The next question is easy. Are you obligated to reveal your Real Life relationship to your online lover? The answer is yes. It’s called honesty.

The last question is tough. Is it wrong to get involved with someone online who has a commitment in Real Life? As a single person I struggle with this. On one hand it’s tempting because the online relationship has little chance of moving to Real Life. As I’m newly divorced from a long-term marriage, a Real Life commitment isn’t on my list of wants. Single men want to hook up within weeks of meeting and that’s not what I want.

If I refuse the advances of a married man, it won’t stop him from cheating. In fact, dating him may prevent the dissolution of his marriage because I’m not going to encourage any Real Life hanky-panky and he’ll get the ‘love’ he needs.

Although I don’t date men in Second Life that I know are married, I would never blame the single person for the affair. We are all responsible for our own morality, and it’s the person involved in the Real Life relationship who makes the choice of protecting that commitment or dishonoring it.