My friend Beladona has a theory about Second Life. She says that we are able to be our true selves in the virtual world, unfettered by the roles, responsibilities, stereotypes and prejudice placed on us in the Real World. Her theory rests on the fact that other people have the annoying tendency to ‘catagorize’ us within a few minutes of meeting.
The foundation of her theory is correct. Taking someone at face value is much easier than spending the time required to learn more about them, discover the layers of their personality and accept that every human is a multi-faceted creature rich with potential.
Accountants are boring, exotic dancers are always bold, CEOs are smart, blonds are stupid, go-getters are gold diggers. Add in gender stereotypes: men mean what they say, women don’t; men are assertive, women are aggressive…and the list is never ending.
The problem with her theory is that she believes people stop doing that when they enter virtual reality.
People tend to mentally assign us a ‘role’ within minutes of being introduced and breaking out of that role is actually harder in Second Life than in the Real World.
Why? Because people assume that since you chose that appearance or attitude, it is the Real you–all of you. A sad misconception.
My friend Beth roleplays as a Victorian woman. In real life she is polyamorous, wickedly funny and adventurous. Her Victorian character insists on marriage with no hanky panky until marriage. I asked her one night why she went after such mild-mannered gentlemen given her…um…tastes. She said she loved the shock factor of the wedding night. Indeed, I’m sure she’s knocked a couple men out of their senses. The thing is, she isn’t lying or playing them false. Part of her Real personality IS that Victorian woman.
I agree that the shock factor is fun, but it can be annoying, too. Anytime we are forced into a perceived ideal it limits us. Regrettably, it also limits any relationships we have, be it friend, associate or lover.
For some people that works. They want to be stereotyped because that is how they wish to be understood in Second Life. They make an in-your-face statement that is hard to ignore, and refuse to allow other aspects of themselves out. They don’t want a deeper or richer connection because they aren’t in world to build real relationships but to satisfy a personal need. Thus, they won’t let you break out of the limits, either.
What we all need to remember, what I constantly strive to remind myself, is that just because someone put you in a box doesn’t mean you have to STAY there. Putting you there might be their choice; accepting the living accommodations is yours.
We can’t put the entire blame on outside opinions, though. Those personality boxes get comfy, don’t they? We create alts to explore the various aspects of ourselves, rather than fight against the judgments.
This might be a weekend to think about why you stay in that box. Are you bowing to the judgment of others or did you build the box yourself?
In honor of the Independence Day weekend, I’m calling for a Revolution. Break open that box and explore your ‘other’ side. Wild or mild, step out of your routine. Encourage other people to do the same. Break down a few emotional walls, tear down some barricades.
Over 200 years ago, a group of men sat in a Philadelphia building pondering the idea of personal freedom. They felt it was worth dying for but I’m not suggesting you go that far. I AM suggesting that perhaps it’s time to break connections with the people who force you into a personality which satifies their comfort zone rather than yours. It’s time to take a chance and show people that you are more than the sum of your avatar-whether that be your SL avatar or your RL one.
That’s asking a lot, I know.
Just try spending the weekend being YOU, in SL or RL, surrounded by people who accept and appreciate ALL that entails. Laugh, let go, enjoy!
If no one in your life allows you to do that, then spend the weekend finding new friends. It’s Independence Day. Wave YOUR flag proudly!
